A lifelong marriage isn’t just about staying together.
It’s about growing together—in faith, love, and purpose in the Lord—both individually and as a couple. Whether you’ve been married one month or sixty years, God bless you. Marriage is a vocation filled with incredible joy… and yes, its share of challenges.
Recently, my wife and I found ourselves as the last couple on the dance floor at a wedding—the longest-married couple still standing. It was a beautiful moment, though I should note that a few of my brothers and sisters weren’t in attendance—they’ve been married even longer!
That moment sparked a question in my mind, one I’ve since asked many couples who have been married forty years or more: “What are the three things that have made your marriage successful?”
Just three.
Simple.
But with an important caveat.
Not just couples who stayed married, but couples who are truly happy. The kind who would do it all over again. Couples who still enjoy vacationing together, who still laugh together, and who are still intimate with one another (absent medical limitations).
After listening, reflecting, and living it myself, I believe there are three timeless ingredients that lead to a long-lasting, joyful marriage—principles that will hold strong into your fourth, fifth, and even sixth decade together.
1. Faith: Practicing It Together
Faith is not an accessory to marriage—it is the foundation.
A simple question for each of us: Why wouldn’t you ask—the word we use is pray—the God of the universe, Jesus Christ, who suffered and died for you, to bless and continually strengthen your marriage?
What’s the downside?
Faith is the single most important way a man can lead his wife and family. Practicing faith together calms troubled seas during the constantly changing weather of life. It acts like a lighthouse, keeping you from crashing into the rocks when storms roll in.
- Practical ways to live this out: Go to bed together and wake up together.
- Pray together—when you walk, before meals, before bed, before travel
- Read something holy every day (we do this first thing in the morning—it’s habit-forming and non-negotiable).
- Attend Mass or worship services togetherMen, you can’t lead if you’re not there.
Faith doesn’t eliminate hardship—but it gives marriage direction, stability, and hope when life gets hard.
2. Intentionality for Intimacy
Life is busy. Work, schedules, kids, house chores—it never ends.
That’s why intimacy must be intentional, not accidental.
You have to block time. Two to three hours a week. No distractions. No multitasking. Focused time together. In January, in Cleveland, that might mean crawling under an electric blanket and simply being present with one another.
One of my favorite sayings is: Proximity and probability lead to good things.
This becomes even more critical as couples move into later decades of marriage. A lack of intimate connection is one of the leading reasons for divorce later in life.
Two simple but powerful habits:
- Go to bed together
- Wake up together
For couples with children still at home, one of the best pieces of advice we ever received was to set aside a mandatory quiet time once a week. Sunday or Saturday—everyone spends a few hours on their own. No technology for the kids. A book, writing, LEGO—anything but screens. That space allows parents to decompress… and sometimes reconnect.
3. Adventure: Keep Life Alive
Planning for something—anything—is healthy for both the individual and the couple.
Adventure doesn’t have to mean SCUBA diving the Great Barrier Reef (though that is pretty great). It could mean visiting national parks, attending plays at Playhouse Square, hiking local trails, or planning your next shared experience.
A vibrant marriage requires life—spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. Matthew Kelly, in The Rhythm of Life, teaches that God designed us for balance across all four areas. When we honor that rhythm, we experience:
- Greater clarity
- Deeper joy
- Stronger faith
- More purposeful living
Happiness isn’t intensity—it’s balance.
And an important note, especially for the women in our lives: most adventures come with mistakes and mess. Those mishaps often become the memories you cherish the most—because you lived them together.
Final Thought
Marriage is not a finish line—it’s a pilgrimage.
Faith anchors it.
Intimacy sustains it.
Adventure keeps it alive.
Do these three things consistently, and you don’t just stay married—you stay joyfully married.
